Sacrifice

“Sacrifice,” the Captain said. “You made one. I made one. We all make them. But you were angry over yours. You kept thinking about what you lost. [. . .] You didn’t get it. Sacrifice is a part of life. It’s supposed to be. It’s not something to regret. It’s something to aspire to. [. . .] Sometimes when you sacrifices something precious, you're not really losing it. You're just passing it on to someone else."

--an excerpt from Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet In Heaven
[emphasis mine]


I never thought about it like that... life, a gift given from one person to another, sacrifice for the one, gain for the other. But like water flowing through one person and filling up another, the life given is not lost, merely passed on.

That's hard for me. So often sacrifice DOES seem like loss when you're the one giving. But when I look at it like this, "you're not really losing it. You're just passing it on to someone else," sacrifice seems a lot less gut wrenching and much more beautiful.

Ariya

The Importance of Family

I'm beginning to study my own Jewish heritage, and claim it for myself. Here's something I read tonight.


The Secret

One of the most important, and one of the most unusual moments in interreligious dialogue occurred in a mountain retreat in New Jersey. The Dalai Lama, the major spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhism, held a meeting with a small group of Jewish thinkers. It is possible that this was the first time in history that a Buddhist leader has ever talked with Jews.

Even more unusual that this was the purpose of the meeting. The Dalai Lama wanted advice. The Dalai Lama is in exile from his land. He wanted to know how we did it... how it is that we survived exile from our land over the centuries.

The men in the group had their own answers. One said that it was the study of Torah that has kept us alive. Another said that it was the study of Talmud that kept us alive. A third said that it was the doing of mitzvot [ritual actions that direct a person's soul toward the Almighty] and the pursuit of justice that has kept us alive. A fourth said that it was our inability to agree on what has kept us alive that has kept us alive.

Blu Greenberg, the Orthodox feminist, told the Dalai Lama: "The secret of our survival is the Jewish family. For it is the family where the physical existence fo the people and the values of Judaism intersect."

And the Dalai Lama looked at Blu Greenberg adn said, almost in a whisper: "That is the secret."

--From "The Dalai Lama Speaks to Jews" by Jeffrey K. Salkin, "Sermon Excerpts"
Moment magazine, April 1990


As my desire to raise my children in a Jewish home increases, this struck home with me. The family IS the primary center for learning, and parents the primary teachers. While that thought is a bit scary, I don't want to shine away from it. So I don't know everything. So what? It's not about "knowing everything," it's about loving my children and sharing with them a beautiful heritage. One that was lost and that I'm in the process of finding again. So why not invite them on the journey? After all, it's as much a process for them as it is for me.

Ariya

Not pregnant & Looking forward

I'm so glad that I'm not pregnant any more. Yes, I love being pregnant, yes I relish the joy of growing new life inside me. But I've been pregnant over half our married life now and it's nice to take a break. I'm looking forward to raising our sons and simply enjoying being a mother. Not that I'm against having more children later, but for now, I am really enjoying building relationships with my sons. Feeding them, playing and snuggling with them, learning them and all the unique things they do, and so much more. And it's nice having my non-pregnant energy levels back too! :)

Ariya

New Birth

Well, last Tuesday at 12.20 am our little Benjamin was finally born into the world. What an incredible experience! I'm amazed at the beauty of new life. BJ's innocence, his sweet spirit, his quiet and gentle manner are beautiful to me.

Already Z is taking to his new little brother. He wants to look at him, touch him, even say his name! (Andrew and I thought it interesting that out of all the words he could be saying, he's happy to sign "milk" "food" "diaper change" etc., but it's Benjamin's name he's been trying to pronounce.) It's a relief to my spirit that Z is handling the change well. I've really been making a point of showing Z that while we have a new person in our family, he is still a loved and welcome part of that family. I think that's had good results. Z seems excited about his new brother, wanting to talk about him and mimic his sounds, and doesn't seem threatened by him. It's a desire of my heart that this addition to our family be just that- an addition. More goodness and love to go around!

Benjamin is so different from Ezekiel. Where Z is vocal, BJ is quiet. Where Z demanded that his needs be met, BJ quietly asks- and then waits. Where Z is ready to go go go and explore the world, BJ seems content to sit quietly and cuddle. Where Z struggled with nursing because he was frustrated when it wasn't going the way he wanted, BJ took to nursing quickly by thinking about it, figuring it out and making it work for him. Where Z is bold and confident, BJ is timid and cautious. Where Z needs a smack down, BJ needs comfort and encouragement. Such different children! Each with his own strengths, his own weaknesses, his own unique personality. I love them both so dearly. And I look forward to the life we have ahead.

Ariya

Letter to Em today

So I wrote Emily today about all that's been going on with Wendy and I, esp over the past year. Honestly, it makes me sad. The kind of sad that wants people to be loving when they're not. The kind of sad that's based on really, honestly caring for people who are destructive toward you. The kind of sad that looks at a bad situation and hopes for so much more.

Oh, Wendy. Please turn. Please love. Please. For your own sake...

Ariya

Loose joints

So I learned this past week that there are certain joints in the pelvis which usually seem like solid bone. During the last stages of pregnancy, however, these joint loosen to prepare for birth. So THAT'S what's been going on with me! I can definitely feel things loosen; I'm more fragile now, esp in the last week or two, and I have to be really, really careful how I sit, stand, and even sleep. Yesterday I was in pain a lot due to tweaking one of these joints the night before. I rolled over too quickly, strained it. Ouch. Sometimes I can even feel things creaking & moving around, esp when I lie down or when I stand a lot.

I don't remember my bones being like this with Z, but I'd expect that. I can still remember my body stretching & opening during his birth, and how my bones felt bruised and shifted during the following week. I think the added looseness to my joints now is a combination of the new bone positions, and this being a second child. My body knows what to do, is familiar with birth, and is simply getting ready as it knows how to do.

Ariya

SO hot

Trying to deal with the heat today... it's probably going to peak at around 100 today, maybe higher. I'm sorry for Andrew, being in Chico it's probably about 10 degrees hotter down there. No walks for him today, I'm guessing. :) As for me, I've retreated to the living room where our AC unit is. The unit works really well (MUCH better than the puny wall unit we had in Anaheim), but the configuration of our house is such that only the living room gets cool. Ah, well, thankfully we have a spare twin mattress so I can nap in the "cool room" as I call it. (Our bedroom is on the "hot side" of the house & esp in the afternoon gets BLAZING!) And I've planned my work for the day such that I can do it all from the comfort of the cool room. :)

Drinking water, taking it easy. Staying cool.

Ariya